HÜTZOVINA – Have you ever looked at something and said to yourself, “Self, if we get into that, it will overtake our lives and we will never see the other side in peace.”

Maybe it was heroin. You’ve got a chip I your pocket and the front of Shaw’s is barricaded with a million boozes in the shape of a boat. You liked Puzzle Pirates, hey, World of Warcraft. You can see it. You know yourself; touch it, you are not going to be in contact with the world anymore, only This Thing. A monkey poised, crouched, waiting to slap onto your back and dig in like a chigger. A Monkey with Your Name on It!

I know the name of my Monkey and it is Politics. I am a gnat’s ass from just saying “fuck it” and throwing myself away and becoming a Political Junkie like so many of my few heroes. Daily Show leads to McLaughlin Group. McLaughlin Group leads to…

Dangerous signs this week when I printed six words I never thought I’d commit to paper:

I feel bad for Arlen Specter.

Have you seen what this sucker has been putting himself through over the last two weeks?

Don’t read the news? That’s OK, a spoonful of sugar makes The Medicine go down, here’s The Daily Show of this past Monday:

Odd, yes? You usually don’t see the White Hairs get that worked up unless their coupons have been rejected. When did they get so feisty? And how? Should we be taking those Cialis Soft tabs ads more seriously? Colbert, what do you got?

Colbert Report: The Word – Hippie Replacement

Yes, “a leaked memo from Bob MacGuffie, a volunteer with the FreedomWorks website Tea Party Patriots, details how members should be infiltrating town halls and harassing Democratic members of Congress.”

Not super astounded or shocked; the Lib’s have had manuals like these for the better part of a decade—probably back to the 60’s now that I stop and think on it.  Hell, I’ve come expect this sort of nonsense from them.

There are some that have said, “hey, it’s nice to see the public finally getting into the discussion and taking some stake in the future of the country.”

Is this really what you call a discussion? Do I have to quote you a dictionary? I won’t; that’s against the Law of English Majors. I may be The Worst English Major Ever, but I Obey the Law.

Long story short, this is not what a discussion looks like. This is what a bunch of whackaloons who have been Sent to Fuck Your Shit Up look like. I’ve seen it before, but they were wearing different pins and were 20 years younger. It’s all the same and it isn’t useful in the least. Victory through obfuscation is not a victory. That is how Lawyers win their battles. It is not how people of Smarts and of Integrity win their battles.

The part that frightens me, whether it’s conservative shouty guy or liberal chained-to-tree’er: is the willingness for people to submit themselves completely to the whims of others. Sacrificing intelligence and will, let alone dignity (“What’s that?”) puts you on par with the workers who constructed the Great Wall and died, thrown into the works for fill. There are some who would tell you that this is glorious, a duty. Body for the Cause. I tell you that makes you equal to dirt.

Now look, nobody deserves someone getting up in their grill like a gub’ment official, especially not a Benedict Arnold like Specter. But when you’re running on someone else’s agenda, someone else’s Gibsonesque Meat Puppets? You are an attack whore. And, now that I put it that way, it kinda turns me on, but where is The Line for you, I wonder? What if the Anne Coulter told you to scale your feces at Arlen Spector or Glenn Beck told ejaculate violently on Hillary Clinton if it insured that you would Defeat Obama? Would you do it? How can you tell me you wouldn’t? What indignity is too much?

OK, savage ranting now.

Wrap it up with One to Grow On.

While your parents may wear the 60’s like a badge of pride, if they were crackers they ultimately accomplished nothing. Jack squat. They sold out in the 70’s, elected Regan to two terms and then insured the Bush Heritage and believed Bernie Madoff. Here’s your Time Life Greatest Hits of The 60’s 6 CD set. If your folks weren’t crackers, hey, nice work back in the 60’s; here’s your Black President. You earned it.

Hippie tactics don’t work. How do I know? They haven’t changed in 40 years and since then, Those In Power have realized how to combat them: Ignore Them. Remember back in the early days of The Iraq War when there was protesting in the streets? A million people in England marched? People chained themselves across streets in California? Remember that shit? Of course not. Meant nothing, did nothing. Bam. War still going on? Oh, shit, it is. There goes Nate Green, 18, Bath, touched down in Florida for Army training yesterday. Yep. I got a groovy Pocket Physical Training Guide out of it but what did he get for your efforts? A one-way ticket to a bullet in the head in another country. Good fucking work.

The Cranks and Meat Puppets used to be known as the “Silent Majority.” They’re not silent anymore. They’ve changed their tactics. They’re on TV. Every TV. All the time.

Now.

What will you do?

…

CRANKY FOLLOW-UP, 8.20.09

Freakin’ FINALLY.

And here I thought the only reason I liked this guy is because I thought he’d make a good Hanna Barbara cartoon.

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