MINNESOTA FAMILY COUNCIL – During every presidential election and certainly during Maine’s recent go round with Teh Gheys and Teh Rights, there is a phrase that gets thrown around: “Family Values.”
It seems that all politicians are fer it. I can’t ever remember anyone coming out and claiming to be ag’innit nor have I seen any documentation in the news of people who have been outed as ag’innit on the covert-like.
That said, I have no idea what Family Values are or aren’t. And more importantly, if got ‘em I do or got ‘em I don’t. Bruce, perhaps you can explain my problem better than I:
Preeeeeeeeeeeeecisely.
So, to make sure I don’t botch up a future presidential run any more than I already have *cough*fuelingchildsoldierwithmeth*cough* let’s you and me try to find out what these Family Values are together… like we used to… like a family.
What is the text-book definition of “Family Values?”
: values especially of a traditional or conservative kind which are held to promote the sound functioning of the family and to strengthen the fabric of society
“Social and religious conservatives often use the term ‘family values’ to promote conservative ideology that supports traditional morality or Christian values.”
As such, according to the various sites that claim to be proponents of Family Values, if you are a God-fearin’ Republican you’ve got Family Values if you: oppose abortion, pornography, pre-marital sex, homosexuality, some aspects of feminism, cohabitation, separation of church and state, and depictions of sexuality in the media. That’s what the Bible tells you, and dammit, you’re going to raise your kids like that and ensure that you do your damnedest to destroy educate all those who aren’t raising their kids that way.
Interestingly, pretty much every different group has defined Family Values as something more attuned to their beliefs, those being whatever political platform they’re pushing at that time. So if you are a no-good sodomite Democrat, you’ve got Family Values if you support: “family planning, affordable child care, supporting alternative family structures, access to contraception, abortion, increasing the minimum wage, sex education, childcare, and parent-friendly employment laws, which provide for maternity leave and leave for medical emergencies involving children.”
In the background, there is a population that actually thinks that Family Values are about spending time with your family and striving hard to establish good relationships between parents. Being flexible, balanced, and understanding and making sure that, even with work, that enough time is spent on family. Laughable. These people are, obviously, patently insane and should be therefore marginalized.
But, it appears that, by and large, when someone says Family Values, they want to imply concepts held as “Biblical Truth” and the morals and conscience dictated therein.
Who, in reality, does NOT — in claim or in actuality– possess Family Values?
Quite literally, pretty much anyone who disagrees with you at any particular moment.
Those. Mother. Fuckers.
When was this concept created?
Merriam-Webster cites the term first used in 1916, but the GOP & Friends didn’t really start throwing it around until the late 20th century thanks to one man:
Dan.
Quayle.
What a revoltin’ development.
Quayle’s assertion that the 1992 Los Angeles Riots could be attributed to a breakdown of Family Values popularized the term. “Ahead of his time in pointing to a breakdown in moral standards as the greatest crisis facing America,”. Quayle made these claims in a speech delivered to the Commonwealth Club of California shortly after the Los Angeles riots, noting famously, “when families fail, society fails.” “this poverty is a poverty of values… unless we change the basic rules of society, we cannot expect anything else to change.” and –in a hither-to unmatched double-Gator in mouth (Biden: looking at you to match here) that earned him a heapin’ spoonful of vitriol from Women’s Lib: “it doesn’t help matters when prime time TV has Murphy Brown — a character who supposedly epitomizes today’s intelligent, highly paid, professional woman — mocking the importance of fathers by bearing a child alone, and calling it just another ‘lifestyle choice.’”
For the sake of your sanity, I have reduced this to a simple equation:
+++
=
See? Easy.
Why do people throw this term around (or, more importantly) How can I use the phrase “Family Values” to undermine and crush my opponents?
Using the phrase “Family Values” has stuck around because, simply, it works.
It works for same reason The Patriot Act was so quick to be accepted; it’s a complicated issue given a name that you absolutely cannot work against without looking like a total douche-nozzle.
Family Values means pretty much more or less that you have a set of values. Any values. You may as well claim that you are “Pro Not Kicking Puppies,” I mean, who the fuck isn’t?
Hmm, who the fuck isn’t?
That’s right. Fucking Cobra Commander isn’t. And your opponent is WORSE than Cobra Commander (or at least needs to be depicted as such in the broadest terms available).
So, by asserting that you support Family Values in a campaign, you are implying that your opponent… does not.
Keep in mind, you’ve got to get this attribute out in the open first! If your opponent has already claimed the Family Value card, you can’t just say “yeah, uh, ME TOO!”. You’ve got an uphill battle involved with debunking his claims of Family Values or making him spell those Family Values out with snide comments like, “my esteemed competitor claims to be a supporter of [and remember to do finger-quotes here] ‘Family Values,’“ followed by a quick, side-of-the-mouth, “if you… know what I mean.“ Holy shit! What do you mean? Ho ho! Two can play at this vague claims game! I bid you good day, sir! Wait, you can’t possibly- I BELIEVE I SAID, “GOOD DAY!”
Do I, Cash Money, indeed, support Family Values?
Well, let’s do the math here:
-have attended one (1) gay wedding (groom’s family, yok yok yok!)
-like teh pr0n
-like separation of teh church and teh state
-could stand some more depictions of sexuality in the media, most notably Michelle Bernard’s (ROWR!)
-would rather be shot in the face than have kids
-think marriage (hetero or otherwise) is an anachronistic joke
-parents are going in The Home if they so much as cough around me anytime in the next decade
So, no.
Oh, come on, it’s not like that part was any surprise, look who’s writing this.
Friday Night Anime Block, Feature Edition: Wonderful Days Posted on October 30th, 2009 by Etruscan <begin> Below you’re likely to find a 5min preview of Kim Moon-saeng’s masterpiece Wonderful Days (released dubbed in the US as Sky Blue), one of the most top-notch and best produced examples of Dystopian anime I’ve come across in ages (Thanks Matt!). Sadly, the original Korean subbed version, in all it’s stunning feature length goodness, appears to be only hosted by Veoh; who want you to download their particular player. Stuff like that always makes me more than a little squirrely. This is one of those exceedingly rare times that I’m going to tell you its worth it. Watch Wonderful days (ENG SUB) in Animation (Ed.Note: both link and download tested clean to all 4 scans I ran, and seem to be working quite well. Nor has a full system scan returned anything untoward.) …continue reading Friday Night Anime Block, Feature Edition: Wonderful Days ShareThis Tags: Aesthetiophilia, Videophilia | Edit // Add Comment » Jump Like Bitey Posted on October 30th, 2009 by Gestalt In the midst of an all-nighter induced haze trying to find much needed tutorials for my flash animation, I discovered this wonderful world. Brackenwood is created by Adam Phillips. I’m amazed at how much is created with just Flash and a graphic tablet. ShareThis Tags: Videophilia | Edit // Add Comment » There was no such thing as a Brontosaurus. Posted on October 29th, 2009 by Cash Money (6:42:31 PM) Cash Money: Did you see the video going around of Al Franken taking apart that woman from the Hudson Institute? (6:45:19 PM) KahrlZero: This the thing about the senate health care subcommittee? (6:45:25 PM) Cash Money: Yeah. (6:45:19 PM) KahrlZero: Yeah, saw it. (6:45:25 PM) Cash Money: Nice. (6:45:32 PM) KahrlZero: This is an ugly business, my friend. (6:46:38 PM) Cash Money: It is. (6:46:57 PM) KahrlZero: I’m fairly certain that I’m going to get screwed. (6:47:09 PM) Cash Money: As I told Alex (kid watched it with me), “these are sad times when only the comedians are making sense and acting rational. This speaks ill of our country as adults.” (6:58:37 PM) Cash Money: But apparently when I write stuff like that for BoL, Nekogirl gets depressed. (6:59:09 PM) KahrlZero: I do, too. I wouldn’t censor you for it, but it sucks the hope right outta me. (6:59:52 PM) Cash Money: Well, (7:00:04 PM) Cash Money: we as a generation are very wussy about this sort of thing. (7:00:19 PM) Cash Money: “Oh shit? It’s not all hugs and rainbows? Run for the hills!” (7:00:42 PM) Cash Money: We have been told that being sad or angry is Wrong®. (7:01:01 PM) Cash Money: And that there is something Wrong® with us if stimuli makes us feel these things. (7:01:01 PM) KahrlZero: It does make everything that every supportive, nurturing adult told us in the 80s an out-and-out lie. (7:01:11 PM) Cash Money: Heh. (7:01:14 PM) Cash Money: The 80’s WERE a lie. (7:01:22 PM) Cash Money: There is no such thing as a Brontosaurus. fujeira_1972_brontosaurus …continue reading There was no such thing as a Brontosaurus. ShareThis Tags: Paleontology, Politics | Edit // 1 Comment » Are you a No or Yes? Posted on October 28th, 2009 by Nekogirl No on 1 or Yes on 1? Protect Maine Equality or Stand for Marriage Maine? Same-sex marriage or traditional marriage? Respectively. November 3rd will be a big day for many in Maine, either way this goes… This is the best question and statements surrounding this topic I have seen: Do you want to reject the new law that lets same-sex couples marry and allows individuals and religious groups to refuse to perform these marriages? The repeal effort has been led by the Roman Catholic Diocese. Bishop Richard Malone called same-sex marriage a dangerous sociological experiment. The fact that gay couples have existed for generations, many of them raising children, counters this argument. Worse, however, is the church’s attempt to force its views on all Maine’s residents, whether they are Catholic or not. It is only natural that changing the definition of something as fundamental as marriage makes some uncomfortable. However, marriage has changed over time, interracial marriages were once banned, and men were allowed to have many wives, without harming heterosexual marriages. In a country where the divorce rate is too high and too many children grow up in dysfunctional and abusive families, encouraging more adults to commit to long-term, loving relationships is a positive, not a negative. It is hard to see how allowing more people to marry will weaken marriage. Instead, it seems the strong desire of gay and lesbian couples to be married, rather than declared domestic partners, shows the value and importance of marriage. – Snip its from an article in the Bangor Daily News, 10/17/09 _________________________________________________ MARRIAGE AFFORDS unparalleled rights and benefits to people who commit to long-term relationships. All people, regardless of sexual orientation, should have an equal right to marry under the law. -Boston Globe, 10/25/09 …continue reading Are you a No or Yes? ShareThis Tags: Politics, Videophilia | Edit // Add Comment » What’s that coming out of my speakers? Posted on October 24th, 2009 by Nekogirl It’s a dreary Saturday afternoon looking out over the city in October with rain pelting my windows. I always find myself listening to music and wanting to write when the weather presents its self as such. Maybe I am convinced there is something important to write down. Here is a bit of the music that is streaming out of this place today… Enjoy! ShareThis Tags: Aesthetiophilia, Audiophilia, Videophilia | Edit // Add Comment » We Now Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Broadcast: Pop!Tech ‘09 Posted on October 23rd, 2009 by Etruscan <begin> If you’re not familiar with it, Pop!Tech is a yearly conference based in our very own Camden, Maine. It’s not a ‘Con, or and Event, but rather lives at a multidisciplinary corner somewhere North of Technology and East of Culture. Topics cover everything from the impact of technology on the arts, to the development and promotion of human culture, to recent developments in online security, to ideas around education reform. But what unites them all is a focus on thinking of the larger picture that any discipline can influence, and this year’s topic is billed as reimagining America. The design is to create a true synergistic environment to discuss art, culture, technology, and ideally motivate social change. The conference, which has been running for upwards of a decade, is on through tomorrow. It’s gotten a bit pricey over the years, but luckily it’s also being streamed live as it happens, so hit the embed below. Any fan of big ideas will get a thrill out of this one, and after the jump are a few samples from previous years. Enjoy! Quantcast …continue reading We Now Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Broadcast: Pop!Tech ‘09 ShareThis Tags: Aesthetiophilia, Economics, Politics, Technophilia | Edit // Add Comment » The Continuing Education of Cash Money: What the hell was that CGC rating bar schtick in “Venture Brothers” all about?
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