Entries Tagged as 'Uncategorized'

The Continuing Education of Cash Money: What the hell ARE “Family Values” anyway?

MINNESOTA FAMILY COUNCIL – During every presidential election and certainly during Maine’s recent go round with Teh Gheys and Teh Rights, there is a phrase that gets thrown around: “Family Values.”

It seems that all politicians are fer it. I can’t ever remember anyone coming out and claiming to be ag’innit nor have I seen any documentation in the news of people who have been outed as ag’innit on the covert-like.

That said, I have no idea what Family Values are or aren’t.  And more importantly, if got ‘em I do or got ‘em I don’t.  Bruce, perhaps you can explain my problem better than I:


So, to make sure I don’t botch up a future presidential run any more than I already have *cough*fuelingchildsoldierwithmeth*cough* let’s you and me try to find out what these Family Values are together… like we used to… like a family.

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Wonga Coup Upd’état

Pardoned coup plot Briton freed

BBC, Nov.3, 2009


OIL SOAKED EQUATORIAL GUINEA – Well, it’s happened. As of Tuesday, 3 November 2009, Wonga Coup plotter (oh, excuse me a “pawn,” “not a co-author,” but more of an “an accomplice”), Simon Mann has been pardoned and released from DUN DUN DUNNNN Black Beach Prison in Oil-Soaked Equatorial Guinea after serving about five of his 34-year sentence for attempted to overthrow the government of President Tedoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo via coup.

Who’da thunk?

Mann will probably not be able to return to South Africa as he would probably face charges due to South Africa’s super-strict anti-merc laws. However, he may very well face questioning from Scotland Yard about London businessman, Ely Cali and Sir Mark Thatcher Of the What-Are-You-Fucking-Kidding-Yes-Those-Thatchers as Mann has fingered these gentlemen as the actual plotters of the coup. Let’s see: bets on how quickly he moves to Spain? Anyone? Anyone?

As of yet, I’ve not found any details about our man, Nick Du Tiot.

So you want to be supplement Cash Money: Robert Young Pelton’s RAT Cutlery DPx HEST Knife, SIGHT UNSEEN

Cash Money asked me:

Ad copy aside, [You know how you can involuntarily sneer without actually feeling malice, just because something's so gross? -KØ] what can you tell about the knife?

Image of the RAT DPx HEST

I’ll start with the steel. 1095 is one of the most basic Spring Steels there is and the formula is well over 100 years old, but I believe it’s still being used in military dive knives. It’s not rust-resistant at all but if you can take care of it, it makes a motherfucker of a blade. It’ll be much stronger than most folks are used to and will take a truly scalpel-sharp edge in the hands of a skilled sharpener.

That 3/16″-thick blade is critical to making the 1095 work here. That’s massive compared to the knives most of us use daily, and the knife benefits in a more subtle way than just being beefy. In production, that 1095 has to be cooled from 1500°F to below 300°F in less than a second in order to become a hard, sharpen-able knife. The whole thick blade just can’t cool that fast, so while the outside (“case”) hardens, the core stays somewhat softer and much tougher. The “case” is a little less than 1/16″ deep, so with a 3/16″ piece of steel you get a hard outer layer and a ductile core, not unlike a samurai sword, from a single slab of ground steel. Easy peasy.

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Cash Money’s Batshit Fucking Loco News Out of Africa

Subcategory: PIRACY

Pirates hit navy ship ‘in error’

BBC, Oct. 7, 2009


“Ah, it eez a wonderful night to be in zee Fronch Nav-ee, would you not agree, Guillaume?”

“When you are right, you are right, Jean Luc.  Let us smoke zee silly yellow Fronch cee-gar-ettes on zee poop deck,  oui?”

“Say, iz zat a teensy, tiny, Somali pirate ship trying to overtake us?”

“Er… oui, zat eez what eet appears to be.  Zey do realize that fighting zee pirates is zee only great military success zat we have ‘ad in two centuries, oui?”

“No, mon amie, apparently zey ‘ave forgotten.  Arm ze crusty bread cannons!”

Cash Money’s 1st Quarter Dinosaur Factorum in Revue

MONGOLIA – Before there were Power Rangers Dino Thunder, there was the original Power Rangers. And before Power Rangers, there were dinosaurs.

And before I learned to love booze, hookers, and Africa, I loved dinosaurs. Any more you can get any old piece of any old lizard on the black market so, as a service to you, I will keep you, my potential clientele, abreast of the dinosaur related news for each financial quarter.


“KILLING MACHINE” by the indispensable Brandon Bird. Show him (and the wall of your loft) the love.