Blowing Out Lanterns

Ok, ok. Not strictly the living dead. Well, at least not anymore. Japundit recently featured a description of the end results of the practitioners of a set of Buddhist rituals called shugendo. Though the term itself refers to the actualization of the self and developement of spiritual power through asceticism, austerity, and intense physical tests and rituals known as shugyo. Some practitioners would go so far as literally mummify themselves using a extreme diet bark and tree roots, and drinking a tea made from tree sap to induce vomiting, diarrhea, et al. in order to toxify the body and stave off decomposition.

The monk would then be sealed in a tomb with only a small tube to provide him with air. That is, until he perished at any rate. Monks would check daily and listen for the ringing of a bell within the tomb. Once the ringing stopped, the tomb would be entirely sealed and airless for the remainder of the ritual. Once complete, the body would be removed and, if successfully mummified, venerated as a Buddha. Voila, enlightenment in 10,000 days.

Or, a fantastic method of preserving your zombie horde from the cruel ravages of mother nature. You be the judge.

Time to get me some tree sap….

Tags: Uncategorized, Zombiphilia by Etruscan
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I’ll be honest. When I first heard about this I laughed my ass off. And kept laughing for the first five minutes or so. And then I felt weary. I mean, who hasn’t made jokes about emo-bashing at one point or another, regardless of how emo you might actually be? But the sad truth is that Mexico is now home to a wave of violence targeted at, you guessed it, emo kids. Of late there have been gatherings of the other Tribes powered by cell phones and social networking, for the sole purpose of locating, and kicking the shit out of, groups of emo kids. It makes me think of punks vs. mods on a massively networked scale.

I’ve seen numerous posts speculating on the cause of such a widespread and extreme reaction; everything ranging from latent homophobia, to outrage with recent elections, to a recent tv personality slagging off on emo kids live on the air:

BoingBoing’s picked up the thread and points to Daniel Hernandez’s Intersections blog where there seems to be the best coverage. Recently though, tensions have escalated. From Brock Thiessen’s Exclaim post:

“More recent reports state that the emos have begun to fight back against the other “urban tribes” and organized marches in Guadalajara and Mexico City, escalating the violence and leading to increased police presence. Also, some Mexican newspapers, such as El Porvenir, have called for government intervention to protect the emos, writing, “It’s the responsibility of the authorities to make sure the threats aren’t carried out and the aggressions are punished.”

We’ve seen the polarization that can occur anytime a group is made to feel marginalized; most subcultures arose as a rejection to the predominant socio-political climate that existed at the time of their inception, but this isn’t any rebellion, it’s other supposedly marginalized groups gang-banging one particular group based primarily on what would appear to be their sense of aesthetics. To me this begs the question, have we moved so far from a positively created individual sense of identity (I am) to a self definition that relies entirely on exclusion (I am not) that it becomes a question of orangised violence towards the latter? It’s a sad state for any subculture which cannot define itself by its own principles and ideology, regardless of aesthetics.

I suppose the only really redeeming thing here was that group of Hare Krishnas marching for tolerance in the midst of all that turmoil…

Tags: Aesthetiophilia by Etruscan
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I decided to post some delightful pictures in honor of Jesus rising from the dead. Praise the lord!!

…And let’s not forget chocolate Jesus.

Tags: Uncategorized by Gestalt
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Clever song by Jonathan Coulton talking about the important things in life, Brains!!!

Tags: Videophilia, Zombiphilia by Gestalt
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There appears to be some controversy amongst the learned as to the proper balance that would constitute the ideal zombie diet. We’re all familiar with the classic school of thought:

But some recent research suggests the proportions should be more in line with this:

The article:

STONY BROOK, NY—In a dramatic reversal of decades-old medical wisdom, the late Dr. Albert Rossum, director of the O’Bannon Institute For Postmortem Nutritional Studies, recommended an all-brain diet for zombies Tuesday.

Dr. Albert Rossum (1940-1991) announces the findings.

“Our research indicates that live human brains are not merely the cornerstone of a healthy diet; they are, in fact, the only food an active adult zombie should consume at all,” Rossum said during a press conference at the institute, located at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. “A daily three-pound serving of brains supplies all the vital sugars, neurons, and ganglia essential to promoting zombie fitness and slowing the decomposition process.”

The Rossum Plan challenges the traditional zombie food pyramid, which consists of five to seven daily servings of human hearts, three to four servings of livers or eyeballs, and two servings of brains. Instead, Rossum advocates a four-level pyramid, with all four levels consisting of as many servings of brains as possible.

“Ideally, the brains should be consumed fresh from the head of the victim,” said Rossum, widely considered the nation’s leading expert in the field of undead nutrition. “However, precious scraps of brain may also be pried from the fingers of other brain-crazed zombies. Failing that, dropped brains may be slurped from the ground by a third party to such a scuffle.”

Added Rossum: “Braaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnns!”

Nutritionists at the Romero Foundation For Zombie Health, the nation’s oldest zombie-health organization, were dismissive of Rossum’s announcement.

“The O’Bannon Institute’s plan is a reckless fad diet,” the late Dr. Vincent Peters said. “Five servings each day from the neurosensory group, made up of the brain, spinal column, and nervous system, as well as from the vascular, digestive, and pulmonary groups, are the best way to maintain robust zombie health. It is an established fact.”

Told of Peters’ remarks, Rossum strenuously disagreed, citing recent tests conducted by his institute.

“Studies have shown that zombies who follow the Romero school of nutrition can be stopped with a single bullet to the brainstem,” Rossum said. “On the other hand, our exhaustive studies conclusively show that the newer, fitter breed of zombies who adhere to an all-brain diet cannot be subdued by anything short of total incineration.”

Rossum’s detractors are quick to point out that a high percentage of zombies in his studies are young accidental-death victims, many still in their teens, recruited from the punk-rock-fan community. Such individuals, critics charge, are too healthy and recently deceased to be reliable subjects in long-term dietary studies.

Critics also charge that a diet consisting entirely of brains would not be likely to attract many followers due to its monotonous nature. Rossum again disagreed.

“There is still ample room for dietary variety in this plan,” Rossum said. “One day, you might make a spicy South Of The Border treat of a Mexican person’s brains. The next, you could enjoy the Far East taste sensation of an Asian. There are so many different kinds of heads to tear open, there’s no reason ever to get bored.”

Rossum then stepped down from the podium and descended upon New York Times photographer Dennis Levitan, cracking his skull open and devouring his brains.

Personally, I favor the high protein brain diet. Also good for absorbing your victim’s knowledge….

Source: The Onion

Tags: Zombiphilia by Etruscan
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Arthur C Clarke (1917-2008), prolific writer, visionary, and godfather of hard science fiction passed away early this morning due to cardio-respiratory attack at his home in Sri Lanka. He had recently turned 90.

While perhaps most widely recognised for his collaboration with Stanley Kubrick on ‘2001: A Space odyssey’ Clarke’s fierce insight into the relationship between the advancement of technology and its impact on the human condition led him to foresee the rise of the the telecommunications satellite, cell phones, and even moon landings.

As Issac Asimov once put it “Nobody has done more in the way of enlightened prediction.”

Very truly a great loss for us all. We wish him well on his own journey.

Link

Tags: Sarcophophilia, Uncategorized by Etruscan
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AH Yeah!!! I know it looks tempting, but don’t go there, trust me. If this jumps out of your cake run. I don’t care if she’s holding balloons and can sing don’t let her sit on your lap. It might seem like fun, but the medical bills will be the least of your problems.

Tags: Pictoriphilia, Zombiphilia by Gestalt
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There have been many articles, videos, and postings on how to survive a zombie outbreak, the best of course being Max Brooks book. However I haven’t seen any what not to do, until now. I’m reposting the funny, informative, and helpful article from the zombiephiles.

Ten WORST Things to Do During a Zombie Outbreak

10) Don’t set zombies on fire. Burning zombies smell terrible.

We’re not sure why you see it in every zombie movie, but it stands to reason that the only thing worse than a zombie is a flaming zombie. Remember, it can take a long time for a zombie to burn to death - more than ten minutes, in some recorded cases. Do you really want a burning zombie lighting you and your friends on fire? Play it safe - chances are good that there won’t be any fire-fighting infrastructure during a zombie outbreak if things get out of hand.

9) Don’t get sentimental. Zombies won’t.

Sure, it’s your house. Sure, they were your family and friends. But now it’s a zombie nest, and they’re zombies. Stick around, and your best chance is to become zombie food - worst case, you’ll end up a zombie like the rest. Zombies don’t have any feelings - neither should you.

8 Don’t forget to shut the door behind you. Zombies often come over without calling first.

Were you born in a barn? Zombies might not be the brightest, but they know an open door when they see one. Keep your suburban zombie fortress secure by remembering to close and lock the door behind you. And don’t slam it either! Zombies hate that.

7) Don’t keep zombies in the basement. Even if they are your zombie family.

Devotion to family and friends is touching. However, you don’t want them to be touching you, after they’re dead. Do yourself a favor and make sure you put zombie friends and family down properly. Remember, there is no zombie cure, and keeping them around only prolongs their suffering and increases the risk for everyone. Besides, do you really want to get eaten by your buddies?

6) Don’t try to reunite with friends / family over long distances.

Seems like a great idea, doesn’t it? That’s what everyone thinks. Look, do the math. If you leave your house at noon, heading toward your mum’s, traveling 3 km per hour, and a crowd of zombies leaves the general vicinity of your mum’s at the same time, heading toward you at 1 km per hour, what time will you get eaten by zombies? Skip the math and consult rule #9.

5) Don’t go down. Zombies can go down too.

Zombies can’t climb. You can. In light of this, why would you ever choose to go down, rather than up? Stay out of basements, gullies, sewers, and anyplace else that zombies might unwittingly wander / fall into and be unable to get out of. Remember, it’s unlikely that a human would be in a sewer, but zombies don’t care a whit about the smell.

4) Don’t broadcast your presence. Zombies may be listening.

Zombies that still retain their ears have been statistically shown to have above-average recognition of bassline frequencies. If you absolutely must blast music while killing zombies, do it on your Ipod, and you might want to consider delaying that block party until after the zombie outbreak blows over. During a zombie outbreak, remember to turn your cell phone to vibrate - it’s only polite.

3) Don’t stand in front of the window. That’s just foolish.

You’d think this one didn’t require stating, but apparently it does. Windows are an aesthetic defense against the environment, not protection against zombies and the living dead. Once you find your fortress, barricade the windows as quickly as possible and stay the hell away from them. Whatever you do, don’t deliver speeches with your back to them.

2) Don’t get too creative with zombie defense.

Sure, chainsaw slits in your van seemed like a good idea at the time, before you filled your car with fumes and exhaust, passed out at the wheel and got yourself sawed in half. The temptation to get very creative with zombie dispatching can seem almost unbearable at times, but when it comes to killing zombies, that old adage applies: Keep it simple, stupid!

1) Don’t be “that one asshole,” in your group.

Textual analysis of zombie movies has proven that “that one asshole,” a character ubiquitous in zombie and survival horror movies, only stands a 4.32% chance of surviving until the end of the movie.

Later studies have challenged that figure, citing several movies in which “that one asshole” was one-upped by “the other, bigger asshole,” who then assumed “that one asshole” status.

What do these figures mean? Being nice matters. To dramatically increase your chances of survival, make sure you always have “that one asshole” traveling in your party with you, otherwise you might end up playing the role of “that weak douchebag,” a similarly ill-fated character.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you believe you are already “that one asshole,” you should immediately leave your group. You might be able to pass as “that Kevin Costner anti-hero” if you’re traveling solo.

Tags: Zombiphilia by Gestalt
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Fantastic demonstration of a Stirling Engine in Japan, the design predates the gasoline and diesel designs we’re used to. The premise is that they function off a heat differential acting upon a pressurized cylinder. The benefit of course being that any method of generating a temperature differential (solar, burning fuel, geothermal, etc) will drive the engine; which in turn can spin a turbine. Since electrical power generation pretty much universally depends on different methods of simply spinning a turbine, this describes a myriad of possibilities that electricity could be created. Obviously there’s some issues with the design (deformation of the surrounding material for one) but the principle is truly exciting.

Steampunks, start your engines…

Link Via japundit

Tags: Aesthetiophilia, I should probably go to bed, Uncategorized by Etruscan
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Howard Morton Metzenbaum (June 4, 1917–March 12, 2008) was an American politician who served for almost 20 years as a Democratic member of the U.S. Senate (1974, 1976–1995).

Unabashedly liberal, the former labor lawyer and union lobbyist considered himself a champion of workers and was a driving force behind the law requiring 60-day notice of plant closings.

He was a cantankerous firebrand who didn’t need a microphone to hold a full auditorium spellbound while dropping rhetorical bombs on big oil companies, the insurance industry, savings and loans, and the National Rifle Association, to name just a few favorite targets.

Metzenbaum is survived by his wife, Shirley, and four daughters.

Link, via CNN

Tags: Sarcophophilia, Uncategorized by Gestalt
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