TEH INTERW0RBZ – One of the few things that keeps me walking in the door at work during the day is the promise of a new day of online comics. That and my secret Wild Turkey depository.
The following is the complete list of comics I read every goddamn day… or… whenever they happened to be updated which, for some, is grievously occasional.
For each series featured, I am simply pulling whatever comic is up today, warts and all, on this – Thursday, March 11, in the year 2010 of our Lord, Rahm Emanuel.
The following is an excerpt from transcript of KahrlZero’s NeoCon AM Radio Talk Show, “Zero Hour,” episode 46: ”Fiduciary Controls and how they are a cover for the Leftist takeover of Real America.”
Segment guest: Cash Money
…
Kahrl Zero: …and that’s how fiduciary controls are a cover for the Leftist takeover of Real America.
Cash Money: Wow, I hadn’t really thought about it that way before. Personally, I have recently found myself obsessed with Avril Lavigne. Not her music or even her so much as her career.
KZ: How so? Because I know fuck-all.
CM: Well, you know her brand of music. Vacuous, if upbeat. Marketed as “The AntiBrittany,” though she really is the same thing with a different coat of paint and a different time signature.
KZ: (ugh) And more eyeliner.
CM: Right. Which is fine. Or was. She has, at time of recording, three albumns on the market with a fourth set to drop this summer. However, she is now 25. And has an impending albumn. The question is, when does society demand something more from her.
THE SEA – A cry for a brief moment of political awareness from the uncharacteristically landlocked Andrewvius tonight.
Today was a big day for American politics whether I wanted to be aware of it or not. A bipartisan summit about Health Bill 2: Electric Boogaloo. The networks and the stations on my XM radio were hyping the event with choice sound clips of Obama (“Show me what you got!”) trying to make it out like a DMX song:
“BARACK GONNA GIVE IT TO YA (what) GONNA GIVE IT TO YA (word) UHN! [dog barks]“
Health Bill 2: Electric Boogaloo may be the one instance during my lifetime that I can recall the government actually trying to help The Citizens of America rather than help itself, so, naturally I am skeptical. I have a tendency to view it askance, aloof, and from afar – that’s Triple A Apathy, son. Trust no crooks. Follow the money. Exterminate the brutes. All that. But. Andrewvius tells me I no longer have the luxury of pessimism and has yet to release his vice grip on my lapels.
“But I don’t wanna,” I tell him.
“You have no choice now,” he tells me, his eyes wild. “It is this or the void.”
“Well, you know my dislike for the void,” I say. “All that howling and such.”
“Oh, it’s a bitch,” he says, quickly adding, “But it can be avoided, Cash. All it will take is just a little attention. Just so little attention for such a short, short period of time, Cash. We must be wonks. Just this once and just for now, be wonks. Then we can all go back to our American Idols and our Pokemon and whatever the hell it is that you claim to do, Cash-”
And I start to defend how I spend my days but he snags me by the ears and pulls us nose to nose and I can smell that he is serious when he continues, “-and I can go back to The Sea – WITH AT LEAST SOME FUCKING CATASTROPHIC HEALTH INSURANCE!”
And so, without further bullshitting, our man on the scene, Andrewvius the floor is yours.
“Well, the summit was really a remarkable event.
There was, a tremendous amount of agreement on issues between the parties. In fact, though the Republicans repeatedly referenced polls showing 55% of Americans opposing the Senate version of the bill, those same polls show support from the majority of Americans on each separate policy. This disparity is a result of an effective campaign of talking points by the GOP and conservative media characterizing the overhaul as “a government takeover.”
So, when you ask someone if they want the bill, they say, “no,” even though they like all the ideas. So, if the people like the policies, and the two parties agree on the majority of the policies, what are the differences discussed today?
Republicans want to reform the system through cost-control measures. They see frivolous malpractice lawsuits as the biggest driver of health care costs and they want to cap settlements to reduce the cost of malpractice insurance. Besides this idea, they have a ton of good ideas on reducing the costs in the system by fighting fraud and trimming administrative costs. They want to accomplish all this through a series of small bills passed over time, rather than through a big ol’ bill. They project their reforms would allow around %10 of the uninsured to get insurance.
Democrats want the big ol’ bill. This is because their vision of reform is as a sweeping overhaul. They have a big cause-and-effect circle in their plan that can’t be accomplished in little pieces. It must hang together. This circle is designed to get everyone in the country into the health insurance system. The circle goes like this:
1. Everyone in the country buys health insurance 2. The whole insurance industry is regulated to protect customers 3. Due to the huge pool of customers and the profit restrictions on insurance companies, the price of policies go down 4. The law says you must buy health insurance 5. Everyone in the country buys health insurance 6. Rinse and repeat.
There’s much more to it than that, but this chestnut is the reason that piecemeal reform isn’t at all acceptable to the Democrats. This is what makes it an overhaul. It’s big and scary. It’s nationwide. They will include all the Republican ideas for cost-cutting and interstate exchanges, but Dems won’t give up the heart of reform. That is the belief that we must provide affordable health insurance for all Americans with no exceptions.
I support the Democrats here.
I can’t cover the 6 hour summit I just watched, nor can I cover our President’s proposal. I encourage each and every person to pursue this information on their own.
What I want each person to do is to check this stuff out and find out what their lives will be like if the overhaul goes through. Don’t let Fox News, NPR, CNBC, CNN, Rush, Newt, or Free Speech Radio News tell you what is good for you. The real dope is right at your fingertips, you must educate yourself.
I am 28, healthy and uninsured. I make around $30,000 so I take home around $20,000. I want to emphasize that I am the type of person they are counting on to bear the financial burden of carrying a policy I don’t need in order to reduce the cost for those Americans with a pre-existing condition. Those Americans who smoke, eat fast food, and don’t exercise. The overhaul proposed by Obama and the Democrats will allow me to afford health insurance that will provide unlimited catastrophic coverage, primary care, and will include financial incentives to eat healthy food and exercise more.
Speaker Pelosi said something today that seemed directed toward me and my whole generation. I’ll close with this quote.
“But I want to talk for a moment about what it means to the economy. Imagine an economy where people could change jobs, start businesses, become self-employed, whether to pursue their artistic aspirations or be entrepreneurial and start new businesses if they were not job-locked, because they have a child who’s bipolar or a family member who’s diabetic, with a preexisting condition, and all of the other constraints that having health care or not having health care places on an entrepreneurial spirit. Think of an economy with that dynamism of people following their pursuits, taking risks — we want them to take risks and yet we lock them down, and we have an anvil around their businesses because of these increasing costs of health care. So this bill is not only about the health security of America. It’s about jobs.”
HUNAN, CHINA- If you are wondering, no, I did not eat your orange chicken. I did, however, eat your General Tso’s Chicken.
Or your General Gau’s Chicken.
The General’s Chicken is popular-perhaps the most popular Hunanese dish in the world. It is so popular that many people don’t realize that there is other food on a Chinese menu. And while eating it many of those people say, “man, I wonder who this General Tso… or Gau guy was,” just before they pass out into a month-long MSG coma.
Truth be told, there are many rumors as to the origin of this sweet and spicy dish’s moniker.
I have Cash to blame for this one, although blame is probably not the most appropriate term. More applicable would be “Damn you word monkey! Why have you not spoken of this earlier?!” Followed closely by the strident sound of coffee mugs colliding unceremoniously with glass desktops, and massive erupting plumes of cigar smoke.
That said, his taste thus far has yet to steer me wrong, and only the vagaries of decimal mathematics prevent a perfect score. To wit: tonight’s feature. One of the most singularly creative uses of the animated form I’ve seen in years, and one that simply Had to be featured, if only for it’s remarkable treatment of such historic subject matter.
(ed. If you get dizzy, it’s because you’re not looking at it properly. Shape up, or we’ll send the narwhals after you.)
(ed. They’re hungry. And also slightly belligerent.)
ROCHESTER, MN - MAYONNAISE! Love it or hate it, as long as people can’t seem to learn how to make a turkey sandwich that isn’t like biting into a chunk of Saharan Africa on rye, you won’t escape it.
The Jergens of the culinary world, mayonnaise (or “mayo” as the kids call it) is an essential sandwich lubricant and, perhaps, most importantly, the main ingredient in tartar sauce.
Interestingly, mayonnaise also seems to be a prime ingredient of comedy lovingly featured by The Colbert Report,
Oh, and yes, it’s Black History month so let’s not forget, Undercover Brother.
Etruscan: [eyeroll] Just be sure to incorporate the term “aioli.”
I don’t know what that is, but:
“Aioli.“
I’m pretty confident that’s the area around the nipple. You’re a weird one, Etruscan. Just weird.
But, besides a few yuks and a possible case of food poisoning, what has mayonnaise really got to offer? I mean, really. Mayo? Really? I hear in Holland, they fuckin’ drown french fries in that shit, but what else does this goop have to offer us?
WELL, SHOW ME, FOODIE SWINE!
I CHALLENGE YOU THUSLY:meet me back here in two standard Earth weeks with your finest concoction that boasts mayonnaise as its most primary of ingredients. Feel free to ask any questions or accept the challenge via the comment area! May the best mayonnaise win!
LAND OF THE LOST - Greetings, friends and potential bone thieves. It’s time again to take stock of all the news dinosauria of the past three months. Or for the two weeks preceding this one. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeird. Note: three of these dinosaur-themed articles came out on Jan. 28. What’s the deal there?
